Allowed to Think

He threw words
As if they were pebbles
But they would scintillate
As if they were stones cut with acuity
Refracting light in my direction.
His calling voice
Would draw me towards him
Would cause the need for
Closer inspection.

Proclamations of love,
A love he swore was unique,
A love he claimed the world had never seen.
I barely remember
The words he would weave together
To express his love,
So grand,
So applicable to many.

But was I deserving
Of such praise.
Am I allowed to think
Even for a moment
It was directed towards me?

Deluded imaginations,
Taken into consideration.
As arrogance
Is a reality
That exists within me.

But he wrote parts of my story
I thought he understood parts of me
I thought he saw me.

It didn’t matter
That the understanding
That I thought I felt
Could have came from my own words.
I was moved
That someone
Like him
Had seen parts of me,
I have not shown most,
But could still claim
To love me.

The love that he would show me
The love that he would promise
The understanding I thought I felt
The acceptance I thought I felt.

In this spatial vortex
Of uncertainty
I am certain
Of the obsession
That followed.

What kind of person was he
Was he speaking to me

Were you able to see my hatred for delusions
Before I wrote about them.
Could you see why
I hated them so much.
Why it would be so hard
For me to accept this
To be reality.

But I decided
Try.
Try to envision this scenario
What if this is real
What do you feel

I wept at the burden
Of your love

That could have had
No real existence.

Within these lines
Do you hear me screaming.

-Sabs-

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